Last Dance

For Scarlet Mary Rose

There were times when I didn’t trust Scarlet’s creative vision - ideas for mid-week parties I assumed would get busted by the cops for noise complaints, venues that were so far out it made it difficult for an audience to get there, or the time she wanted to continue with our plans of flying to New York City for a show we were doing that got cancelled due to the pandemic. It was right at the beginning of Covid. The venues were closing, people were staying home in fear, the city was shutting down, but Scarlet still wanted to go.

“Fuck it - let’s go anyway” she said, with that nothing’s going to stop her, the show must go on Scarlet Mary Rose determination. Covid didn’t dissuade her. If anything, Scarlet saw a trip to NYC at this moment as even more of a grand adventure.

“Rob, this is a historical moment. Our tickets are paid for. You already have the time off work. Imagine walking through an empty Times Square. We can get gas masks and make apocalypse art. When will we ever get to see NYC like this again?”

Scarlet had a point. We could make something interesting happen there, even with the show being cancelled. Our shared belief in creative power was the whole reason we were taking this trip to NYC together. But still I vetoed. I didn’t want to get trapped far from home in one of the world’s largest cities during a pandemic. What if we got trapped behind closing borders and couldn’t make it back? To this Scarlet replied, “If we die out there, at least we die making art.”

Scarlet meant every word of that statement.

We didn’t go to New York City. Scarlet was disappointed. I was disappointed too - mostly at myself, for being unwilling to jump in and take the risk as bravely as she was. Her whole creative practice was built around risk - getting up on stage and barring all, showing everything, spontaneous, ad lib, naked before the world. She laid it all on the line for her art, her existence was dedicated to performance, even sacrificing her security for it. Her medicine (which she poured down the throats of anyone willing to tilt their head back) was in motivating others to get up on the stage with her. Even if they were terrified, socially anxious, Scarlet had a way of guiding them to a place where they could take up space in the limelight to show off their uniqueness, to have fun, get weird, be vulnerable with a fuck it attitude, and in doing so, liberate themselves from their own bondage.

Most recently, Scarlet asked me to play what she called her, “Last Dance.” It was right after her final burlesque performance at the Capital Theatre, in Nelson. The cancer inside her had spread throughout her body. Scarlet told me that sometimes the pain was so great, she wasn’t sure if she would make it another day. She had done all she could to fight it, and now had decided to get Medical Assistance in Death (MaiD), but not until after she got on the stage one last time.

The Capital Theatre performance was fantastic.

Scarlet was in a stunning red see through robe with sequins and garters. She wore a massive red and white feather headdress, sexy ceremonial regalia that transmitted her soul’s true fire, beauty, and passion. You could see that she was tired, but she claimed the space, moving across the stage with racy elegance, still barring it all, courageous as ever and beckoning the eyes of the crowd to watch as she danced toward her final ascension. When the performance finished the audience roared. We gave her a standing ovation, many of us crying, directing waves of appreciation and love to her. Scarlet was indeed something great.

Josee Gulayets Photography for Queen City Burlesque Expo

Even though that was her last show, a couple days later she told me she wasn’t done. She had chosen a day to exit this world, which she called her Star Date. It would fall on New Moon, May 30th, 2022. On the Saturday just two days before, she wanted to have a “Last Dance” party, and she wanted me to DJ.

It was the hardest party I had ever played.

I spent that morning and afternoon gathering music to play for her and I cried a lot while getting the set together. The tracks I pulled out reflected years worth of dance floors we shared together. Each song held a memory of a night that she was somehow involved in - whether as a performer, a curator, or more often, both. These were some of the best dance music moments of my life; some of the best parties I had played, some of the wildest and most liberated crowds I had ever seen in our little mountain town, and all of it was closely tied to Rose. It was an honour to be asked to play her last dance, but, it was also heart wrenching. I didn’t know how I would carry the responsibility of offering music to a party with such a heart wrenching undertone. Whenever I imagined the scene, and how my heart felt, it seemed impossible.

It took me forever to get the music together. I was a mess. When my partner, Steph, and I got to the house where the party was happening many people were milling about outside. An honouring ceremony for Scarlet had just taken place. Everyone spoke of how beautiful and loving the experience was. I told a few people that I came prepared to DJ - music, headphones, headlamp, tequila, etc…but that I wasn’t sure that I could actually do it.

“My heart is so heavy,” I said. “I can’t imagine pulling this off right now.”

Inside the house, I was led by Scarlet’s daughter, Jade, back to the room where Scarlet was laying on a bed. She was encircled by many of her loves, burlesque fairies and good friends. Bouquets of roses and gifts were all around her. Our faces lit up at seeing one another. Being in the presence of Scarlet, at this point in her journey, all I could feel was this sense of awe, admiration, respect, and love.

Always so brave!

The way she faced this process so directly - no denial, no hiding from it - but also the way she invited us all to take part in her time of departure as straight forward as she was. Clearly, she saw each of us as having a role to play in this, her grand finale. I crouched down, hugged her gently so as not to cause too much pain, and kissed her forehead. She smelled of rose petals and amber.

“Oh honey, I love you so much,” I said.

“I love you too, darlin,” she replied.

I brought her a tuft of Grizzly Bear fur in a little pouch with silver sequins. I put the tuft of fur in her hand, telling her to call on the fierce maternal energy of the mother Grizzly to walk beside her for protection as she entered the ever after.

“I will,” she said.

Needless to say, I played for Scarlet. I had to rise above my heartache and meet her with the same courage she showed. As she said so many times before:

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

And so it did, all the hits from our parties over the last several years came out. People packed the space, dancing, feeling the music, feeling good. And then there she was, out of the bedroom and onto the floor, totally dressed up in heels and a red leotard, surrounded by beloveds, moving her body, hands in the air. I was deep in a mix with my head down so didn’t see Scarlet make her way up to the DJ decks, but then I looked up and she was right there, smiling so brightly at me. “Beam Me Up” was playing through the speakers. She knew this track well and I knew she loved it. I reached both of my hands out to hers. Our fingers and palms were together, our connection hovering there above the music.

“Thank you,” she said with such tenderness in her voice and in her eyes. We remained in that space together for an extended moment, holding hands, without breaking gaze, linked by our shared understanding of the power of art, music, and dance; connected by our deep appreciation for one another, and the feeling of a very old love that reached way back into long ago time.

Until we meet again, soul sister, Scarlet Mary Rose.

Josee Gulayets Photography for Queen City Burlesque Expo